Well Hey There Crippling Fear

So the last few days have been going along nicely.  Libby moved back in so we've had someone else to be bored with.  We've explored Nicollet Avenue a bit and walked all the way downtown on Sunday after the Vikings won.  We went grocery shopping yesterday with my mom and grandma, so we've all got some good eats.  Alyssa and I met a new friend at the gym on Sunday night who has made us all kinds of other new friends who we met on Monday night.  So basically MCAD life is going along swimmingly.

Enter actual classes.  Officially class starts today, but I didn't have any.  I was super worried about them all starting because I just don't think I'm prepared for the kind of classes I've been put in, but I kind of ignored it and/or forgot about it for the past few days as I settled into the apartment and have been busy with Alyssa making friends.  So last night I had a dream that I was taking a test in one of my new classes out of a magazine, but pages of the magazine were missing, so I obviously couldn't do very well on this test.  So that was terrible and I woke up this in a total panic.  Like the kind of panic that makes it kind of hard to breathe and makes you want to cry when you think about it.  So that made my morning funsies.  And my mom is all "you'll be fine, you're smart."  Which I guess is nice, but it's so empty and unhelpful.  Like I've been good at everything I've ever done before, but this is completely different and I don't think it really matters how smart I am.  So I had to go complete some tasks about campus and then I stopped into student affairs to panic at the lady who registered me and she was mostly unhelpful too and told me I should talk to the chair of my department tomorrow before my class with him.  So I'm going to do that and hopefully he'll somehow make it all better with some kind of magic or something.  Then I spent the rest of my afternoon sitting on the beach continuing to freak out and questioning why I even decided to come here.  Like what was I thinking?  I took 3 art classes in high school and now I think I can make it into a career?  I'm clearly all kinds of crazy.

Anyway, I panicked most of the day, then Alyssa and I went to the apartment of one of our new friends to eat our dinner and have some cheesecake.  We watched American Idol because she has a functioning TV and then Melrose Place, which is a hilariously bad show.  Then we went to the gym and wandered about the gallery.  Now I'm in bed and the panic is kind of creeping back into my mind, so I'm going to watch a funny movie.  MCAD officially starts tomorrow at 9:30.  Yikes.  I feel like I haven't really gone to school in a long time because I didn't go to the majority of my classes last semester and when I did it was just like a quick hour long kind of thing.  The whole day of school thing is going to take some getting used to again.